By the end of this blog, I'll still be uncertain whether or not to hit the "publish" button. I've had those blogs before, and before I started journaling my ideas and thoughts for anyone to read, I typically would wonder if the posting I was about to send onto the web was really worth all the trouble. In allowing people, sometimes strangers, friends, family members, into my life in this way I undoubtedly open myself up for scrutiny, criticism. Anyone who has been reading these over the years knows I don't hold much back. In this instance, the feelings presented in the upcoming paragraphs have everything to do with the changes and subsequent reactions of congregation members at my church. This blog is as much for me to understand the deep feelings of people that I know, trust and love as it is for those that I don't know. It's a call for peace, it's a call for action. It's a plea for myself to narrow my prayers towards the essentials behind any church--to bring others closer to Jesus. It's a wake-up call for my friends. If I could speak in front of the church, I'd do it.
Let me give a brief background. Over the past several months our church has gone through some changes in personnel, leadership, and membership. We've even been renovating the halls and rooms. Some of these changes have been wrought with plenty of hand-wringing and second guessing. Members have left, declarations have been made in both public and private. Rumors abound, emails have been sent and meetings have been made. Over the course of these changes I have gone through my own character study. When our youth pastors left (a husband and wife team) I panicked, I admitted. I let other's opinions of those leaders that were left behind influence my own thoughts. Instead of following the call of service within the youth, I felt myself questioning every decision that was made. Every kid who I didn't routinely see on a Sunday gave my thoughts vindication.
Of course the kids are leaving because they left.
Who made that change? I bet it was......
Instead of loving on the leaders I was called on to serve and help, I was secretly, sometimes openly undermining the very direction we were trying to take. And for that I'm sorry.
And right there, dear reader is when I decided to change my conscious. It happened slowly at first. I saw myself on the outside looking down on the conversations I was having with my friends. Was I fueling the fires of dissent or was I lifting those concerns to my heavenly Father? Were my complaints valid or were they simply just the whining of a typical American Christian who felt entitled to an answer? It's like looking at front page story from "God's Plan" and then writing an editorial about the twists and turns of the narrative.
So let me say first that being a member of church does not always entitle us answers. Just because you pay your tithe (and let's be serious, I'm one of those members who have yet to hit the 10% plateau. For those that do, does it give them more say in what happens in board meetings, on what the pastor will preach about on Sunday?) does not mean that you are obliged to check in the yes or no box on some grand approval list. As American Christians, me being one of them, we fell as though our "rights" are always under attack. Some company doesn't say "Merry Christmas," or someone believes that God has been taken out of our schools means we are being persecuted. Let me just say this, God is clearly evident in schools, each and every day. He's there in the hearts of the believers, like me a fifth grade teacher, and in the hearts of the lost and the redeemed children that walk those halls each and every day.
Where was I?
Perhaps people are not used to change. Not everyone has my life experiences. I attended 12 different schools and moved almost every summer. I'm sure we have members of the congregation that live a few miles away from their family home, where the grass has grown in the same direction for over 20 years. Maybe that's why when congregation members leave, they feel as if "something's wrong." We project our Christianity upon those members who are not with us any longer. Some were friends, but for me, most of them were friendly faces I saw when I entered the building. Some had huge pocket books I'm sure. Maybe they didn't. Does it mean that their new church has more grace to offer than ours? Does it mean their congregation are all in arm together singing about how Dr. Pepper can change the world while "Age of Aquarius" plays in the background?
And when people leave churches, they don't always broadcast it for everyone to see. Some claim they aren't being "fed", while others may feel like there is a lack of leadership in the current administration. Being involved in education, guess how many changes I have seen in my 12 years as a teacher?
2 buildings
5 principals
3 Reading programs
3 testing initiatives
4 different sets of Basal readers
2 superintendents
30 kids a year. And ever year I lose maybe 4-5 kids, maybe get that many new students in. Kids move from charters into public schools and vice versa. Kids who I expected to see the following year moved. Did it suddenly mean that I was to blame? Hardly.
This morning there was a reminder of just how much the members of our church are letting one another down. The numbers "700" flashed on the digital screens just above the worship team. 700 means the nursery needs help. In a church our size, why is it that we lack enough volunteers on any given Sunday, to serve our children? Why is it that we have the same 3 or 4 guys who help park the elderly and direct traffic each and every Sunday? Seriously, there are only 4 guys qualified to do this in a church of 2,000? Why does my table talk team comprised of jr. and sr. high students, still need volunteers?
There was a church member who left about a year ago. He was involved in Emmaus, he greeted people in the lobby, he served meals, served on mission teams. When he left I remember thinking, that's one guy I hated to see leave. Other friends of mine proclaim that other "strong" Christians are leaving. I'm beginning to wonder that that means. Does strong entail they tithed more than the average and gave willingly to other missions and causes? Does strong mean they raised their arms during worship? Does strong mean that their prayers touched the heart of God more than mine?
And this is where the conviction hits my heart. If I'm so strong, If I'm the leader I want to be in my church, why cant I lead others towards the needs of the church? There's 6 guys who meet in room 226 each Wednesday, studying together, mapping out new ideas and dreaming of a thriving men's ministry. And to add another? It would be like twisting the arms of the righteous. Everyone's busy, everyone has an excuse. Maybe that's why 700 blares like an indictment upon the congregation on random Sunday mornings. Perhaps we should fly our church flag upside down, which signifies danger. Help us, we're a church who wants to grow but we're unwilling to dig deep, unwilling to sacrifice, unwilling to serve because someone doesn't call us back, someone uprooted a bush from the courtyard, or someone changed the bulletin to a two-sided card stock glossy postcard.
So once this blog hits, I know what it will ask of me too. I will continue to serve in jr. high ministry because I love the children more than I love any leader, curriculum or youth event. I was given this love simply because my wife and I chose to take a leap of faith and volunteer almost five years ago. I will continue to meet with my 6 men in room 226 each Wednesday, simply because I feel that the fire God has placed within my own heart is not meant just for me. This grace and love is not meant for me. I have no right to claim it and keep it under wraps, to keep it in the safe confines of my wonderfully loving Life Group, or to keep it within the pages of my steno pads I slip between the pages of my Bible.
I challenge you too dear reader. Are you just sitting comfortably in your church seat, watching the paint dry (and literally with all the changes, you can do this), serving when it's convenient? Will you challenge other members of your own congregation when they begin to sigh and complain about a change or decision within the church walls? And if leaving is the answer, will you enrich your new church with your presence, gifts and talents, or just post on Facebook how great the worship team is, how the sermon makes you feel?
This is not an our church only issue. It's a heart issue. My heart needs changed. This is why I serve at my church. This is why I will continue to serve, sometimes, and especially when it isn't always convenient. The flashing 700 is burning a hole in your retinas. Dim its call by being a leader. Stand up with your pastors. Ask the right questions. Above all else, love. Love publically and especially when no one is looking. I need you to make me a better Christian. I am not the only one who is broken, who needs help putting their life back together. Are you willing to say no to a fellow member of your congregation, me, them, the ones who sit around you? I invite all responses. Don't let that 700 call in your life go unanswered.
