Floating Effect

There's a scene in some Spike Lee movies I always liked. It's the staple that follows many of his protagonists, watching them literally "float" down a local sidewalk. Denzel Washington floats towards his death in "Malcolm X" (and floats twice more, once in Mo Better Blues and "Inside Man"), Mekhi Pfieffer in "Clockers." Other movies include the "25th Hour" and "Crooklyn." Regardless of when it happens or why it's happening, it's the scene I most resonate with now. I think I'm currently in my own floating scene. Floating by while those around me are desperately trying to reel me in from drifting away. I can't sense any soundtrack except for my own frustration.

Now I'm the one to blame for this floating effect. I fully admit it. Could I be doing a better job with my devotions? Should I have been making better financial decisions over the past few weeks/months? Am I helping my body adjust to the stress and lifestyle with my diet? Have I been willing to make those sacrifices I know are good for me? I know the answer to all my questions, yet I'm the one refusing to adhere to what I know will help my feet touch the ground again.

I told my share group tonight that before I was a "Christian" (not that I was an atheist before, just uncommitted to anything but believing that I had everything to do with me), it was easy to be a jackass. The world values sarcasm, a commitment to oneself. You're an exhausted dad? Leave those kids and party! You deserve it! Save money? What the hell for, you can't take it with you, that's for sure. Relationships? I'd be lucky to remember your name, much less value any time I was going to spend with you. So now, as I see myself spinning aimlessly, doing the same things that I know aren't what God wants from me, and I honestly said, "If I didn't know what I know now, I could just be an ass and be okay with it."

And I chuckled, because I knew when I said it, that God never intended for me to be ignorant of his grace. He doesn't want any of us walking around not knowing forgiveness, and love and genuine relationships. He wants the best for me, for you, for all of us.

Today, on a Monday when everything worked at school, and the lessons had been prepared and the day ran without a hitch, a student told me if I had woken up on the wrong side of the bed. so there it is, in my face, Jesus reminding me in the smile of a child, in that concerned face of hers, that I needed to cheer up. I immediately fought back with a "no," but I know what she was getting at.

So, tomorrow, let's wake up with a smile. Hug the kids and kiss my wife. Is there really any other way?