Delcina was not with me for most of the day. She had ANOTHER root canal, so she headed off early. My kids were sleepy and unwilling. Perhaps they were feeling like we were feeling. One coffee ordered at Tim Horton's and we get the furrowed eyebrows, "Only one"? "Despicable Me" plays on the kids' DVD player. Cruz isn't buckled.
Dropping off Reycina. School. Meeting early about trust. Seriously? I know who I trust. Who is with me? Lately, everyone seems to not trust anything. Even trust in themselves seems to have wavered. Silence in the meeting. We must look like surly teenagers who don't want to speak after being reprimanded. Bell rings and we bust out of there like one of those movies where the kids run out the building as the roll of toilet paper slings across the quad. I didn't wear a belt so I'm already heaving up my pants.
It's day 2 of working on my new discipline plan. I released my "good" kids from the bondage of having their cards flipped. It doesn't mean you will never get in trouble, I remind them. But it does mean I expect more. The others? I remove their yellow warning card. No more chances. The calls and texts to mom haven't worked, our encouragement hasn't worked. You've graduated, my friends. Surprisingly not one kid smirks. Even the smirker isn't smirking. One kid tears up and I place my hands his shoulders. I know you are working hard. Focus a bit more, it will come. One kid writes me a note: "I think this is a fair class." I tuck it into my back pocket along with those yellow cards. Padding.
Recess duty. I make the kindergarten kids raise their hand and yell, "I'm ready!" And we walk to the station in funny Olympic style walking man poses. Reading class goes very well. We learn more about how the sharecroppers felt when life wore on them. They looked to their faith and kept their heads high. I notice some heads nod when we talk about the fear of seeing one's father in jail. I silently hope no one says anything. It's always for me, the most awkward part of my day, to realize at that very moment that they are literally on the line of just throwing their supplies in the air and crying in despair. But they don't, but the bothersome details still linger.
Second recess. Copying homework and stopping by to talk to the new kid who has already bought herself a 2 day in school suspension. Although she isn't in my class, I can see her acting tough hasn't impressed anyone. I told her that I hoped she would have a good weekend and that I want to see her smiling at school on Monday. Love wins. I get a kinda-smile. It's better than nothing.
After school, I get to hold baby Hannah when I arrive to get Reycina from childcare. I make baby talk and try to make contact with her little blues. I imagine that's what God does with us. Cradles us until we look. Sometimes we look all around at the colors but we sometimes don't look at who is holding us.
Mowing grass at home. First pull and the engine turns. First time for a spring day. Grass is thick and lime green. Wads of it stick to the sidewalk. Cruz runs through and turns his socks into moldy fungus. Ice cream man comes. Delcina arrives too, with cousin Alexis who is going to the walk to Emmaus (ironically, that kid I talked to earlier had the same name). I'm jotting down to-do lists and mad how my lazy endeavors have turned into lazy Christmas lights that haven't been taken down, the back yard trash can full of water, the water hose that has burned a line through the grass like some sun snake.
I end the day with a call from my brother. (Ironically, I'm watching "Parenthood" where the two brothers refuse to talk to one another. I feel suddenly grateful). We talk about my dad. "I have no choice," he always replies when asked about how he just keeps going and going. I try to bring up the point that doing anything on your own isn't what God wants from us, but I don't see an in. I back off. I think of the mom from "Sounder" we are reading in class. "You gotta walk that lonesome valley, you gotta walk it by yourself." I'm just not so sure it's so lonesome. He's cradling me. He's looking into my eyes. What is my response?
No comments:
Post a Comment