Fishing

Summer is two weeks gone, and it's feeling like an entirely new year. Delcina nor I received summer school opportunities, so we pretty much thought we'd be twiddling our thumbs and wondering what to do. For me, this meant I would get the chance, perhaps, to serve more at church, to actually attend church consistently and to live within our means.

Living within our means will be the toughest hurdle to leap. We have active/busy lives that lead to poor eating choices, late nights and an entertainment bill that sometimes soars. We like our movies, our favorite restaurants and taking the kids somewhere to play.

The serving part has been easier. This was supposed to be the week we started school. Instead, I volunteered for Vacation Bible School. And I went in full force by becoming a large group leader, which means I rotate with two others and teach the lesson of the day. I get to dress up like a cowboy (well, one who wears funny looking chaps made out of bathroom rugs), and be silly. It's pretty much me doing a monologue, reading lines and playing games. Aside from Emmaus, it has to be one of the most fun experiences I've been a part of.

Being a teacher, I guess it's not a stretch to teach the same lesson to 4 different groups, ranging from pre-K to fifth grade. However I have been blessed by their intelligence, patience and willingness to allow a grown man to be silly in front of them. This past week has led a lots of reflection of where I am and where I am going.

Recently, it seems as if God has been pin pointing me for something I am not too sure I can handle. You know, it is said that he will give you only what you can handle, but sometimes the earthly, worldly living wants to take over. It wasn't too many years ago that I was doing things my way. Avoiding church, seeking out selfish endeavors and basically trying to be the biggest ass in the room. Now, this is not saying I don't still do these things! I'd like to think I do them with less frequency, with more forethought and reflection afterwards and with a feeling of becoming everyone's best friend.

Recently too I've been receiving challenges to do even more. Friends that are dealing with pornography issues, marriage issues, running bible studies and coordinating life groups. This is from the same guy who would seek out the foulest video store just to view their curtained back room where the XXX tapes awaited. The person who has thrown countless hundreds, perhaps thousands down the drain on websites and videos. The same person who used to think shows like "Two and a Half Men" didn't quite get foul enough.

So this is me, the guy who isn't being asked to hang out at bars during the week. The guy that my wife says the kids "love" at VBS. The guy running life groups and being asked to speak. Lately, I've shrugged off the pressure, but when I sit alone with the computer in front of me at night, that computer that would offer me anything within one click of a mouse, I get to fishing. Fishing my brain for that past self to resurface. Was that one tantrum I had with my wife earlier the start of something? Was my lack of patience with the kids going to continue? I literally have to close the laptop, and it's not that those thoughts and desires wont follow me to bed, but it's a point in my favor when I can resist.

And the next day, I greet the day, do some reading and head to church (this week, with a slight congestion!). I clap and smile and sigh at getting as close to winning as I can possibly do. The smiles of those around me tell me more about where I am than what I think. Jesus is proud, I see it in the smiles of my friends, and those kids. What else is there to do but accept those looks and smile back, right?