I knew this fall would be a huge undertaking in terms of scheduling and manufacturing time (as if it's some ore you can mine, polish and keep forever). I signed up to coach my son's baseball team, my daughter's soccer team, teaching a Wednesday night Bible study, work of course and perhaps making a day trip to see my daughter play softball at Malone. I must have been thinking there were extra days on the calendar for Christians.
School has been a litany of meetings and proposals, plans and imperfect management. I have 35 students this year, the most I've ever had and 5 over contract. I keep telling people the number as if miraculously it would diminish into something like they show on tv. Didn't Mr. Kotter have like 6 students?
The kids from last year who have looped with me are comfortable in their surroundings. They want to eat lunch with me, have no shame in asking and know I hate to say no. Testing all of them has taken weeks. The district finally decided to join the digital age and bought iPods. Awesome, except they are used for testing purposes only. The kids reads three passages, they retell what they've read in broken phrases and run-ons, and some computer database assesses colors, levels and kids who need intervention. One of the kids thought the "pitcher and the crow" was the "pitcher and the cow."
My mood has gone from positive to exhausted melancholy to frustration, and that could be all before lunch. I attributed much of my bad attitude to my lack of Bible reading and devotions. This week they picked back up and I've felt more relaxed. By the end of the day, I'm talked out. No wonder my voice has trembled into a quiver this week. Hoarse and broken.
The last time my numbers were high and my attitude low was about 6 years ago. I had 31 to start the year, and the year before I had requested to leave but was denied by my principal. My teaching partner went to fifth grade and I felt working with a veteran who was moving up into 4th was beneath me. By the end of the year, I remember her telling me we could have done so much more for the kids. She forgave me, I felt, with those words. She loved me the only way she could after an unsuccessful campaign. I felt young and inexperienced.
And that's what it really boils down to, the kids. My wife was in the stands for Cruz's baseball game the other day when the frustrations of a Dad were unleashed upon her ears. I was playing favoritism, mocked for not knowing the kids' names on the team (I had two very similar names), other verbal taunts. They questioned my parenting after Cruz threw a royal meltdown at a practice and was still able to play a few days later.
I responded the only way I typically do, I killed him with eloquent words of an email. The end result was a "sorry", and, "it would be awkward for me to help" when I called for him to act instead of talk. Of all the teams, I am stuck with one assistant. Every team has 4. I'm leading a men's Bible study, trying to dangle rewards in front of church-going men to find something more significant in their lives and secular men can't even come and throw ball with their boys.
I make phone calls when I can to parents. They want homework explained, why their son was sent to PEAK explanations, why their son isn't getting tutoring explanations. I always want to ask, "Does your kid ever get punished at home," or, "does your child sleep enough or have some bed time?" and "did you know your child needs supplies?" The common excuse for their children is medication, apathy and boredom. I think, not enough (medication), "you think you have apathy" and "they must have been too bored to finish their work." I pepper kids with calm-downs and redirections.
The GT teacher comes to speak with me at the end of the day. We talk strategies and way she can help. Seems their directive is different from the past pf pulling kids out for one on one time. I like talking about my best practices, the books and lessons that have favorably showcased my skills. It's not so much the implementation of tools and strategies, it's having the time to reflect and track their learning somehow. I told the kids that I will hound them all year for their very best. I hound myself.
And at the end of the day when the looks on my colleagues faces mimic a series of sarcastic, defeatist mimes, I wonder if I've lost some perspective. My wife got a new kid today. Poor girl slept in class. Imagine her first day. Or the girl who is moving today to a new city. Completing her homework must be the last thing on her mind. She's already left.
I think I know how she feels.
No comments:
Post a Comment