I don't think I've ever kept a New Year's resolution. Half of the ones I've made I cannot even remember. I've tackled weight issues before (and typically the winter months I've had pretty good success), doing better in school or working on my attitude of some sort. And like the beginning of this blog has told you before, God became the central part of everything. Even when I tried to escape making situations through my God-lens, it backfires. Even when I make my own decisions, the good ones at least, I have to remind myself of the initial blessing. No decisions are really my own, at least not the good ones. I believe that the Holy Spirit is so resolute and strong within each and any one of us, that when fed simply demands to be acknowledged. Anything good is not of man. As for the bad? Most of the bad can be traced back to bad decisions, lustful decisions, impulses, greed and sin. Perhaps it is too simplified for those reading. Sometimes it seems so simple even to me. I try and make God in the image of what I want and try to wrap his power into my own thinking. What do I know?
I gave up resolutions a few years ago, mostly because it felt like something the world wants you to involve yourself in. Especially in terms of marketing materials no one really needs. After the bombardment of Christmas ads (and before that, the election), the month of January begins the onslaught of dietary, fitness, "new-you" ads. I was watching "Bowling for Columbine" (no gun talk this blog!) and there's a good scene when Micheal Moore interviews Marilyn Manson. Of all people, especially to the average Christian man, Marilyn Manson is the poster child of scary-devil-man who haunts the suburbs in search of wary teens to deliver his message of Satan. Regardless of what I feel about the music and showmanship, he goes into a spiel about how companies keep people in fear and a want of consumption. Fear drives you to medications, drugs, a gun purchase, that home in a gated community. Consumption not only derives from greed, but from the messages we learn from the ads.
You wont get laid, random teenage kid, because of all your zits. You need Oxy-Clean.
You sure could ease your work blues away by swigging a Corona.
You possibly will be the worst parent ever if your kid doesn't have unlimited texting!
In the spring, once the fade of broken resolutions pasts have been forgotten, the Lenten season comes around. Again, the worldly images of want, greed and fear creep into our consciousness again. While a practicing Catholic in my youth, giving up something for Lent was another thing to blow off. I never quite understood what giving up soda, french fries, ice cream or the movies had to do with being a Catholic. As I grew older, I learned that we give something up to get closer to God. That made more sense, but why were people giving up something else? This attitude eventually gave me a holier than thou complex that always rears its head on days like today. I begin to question other's decisions when I should really be focused on my own.
New Year's resolutions do have religious backgrounds, back to the time of the Babylonians. I'm sure the people then, and eventually the Judeo-Christian people who came later, focused on prosperity that was somehow out of reach in the previous year (which is why anyone would eat sauerkraut I guess) . I've been reading a slew of Facebook posts about how 2013 would be "different", enhanced somehow by a conscious attempt to tread a new path. Eventually the vigilance subsides and the new year sounds much like the previous.
So about 6 years ago, my Lenten "resolutions" became more of promises. Items, possessions or habits that were keeping me from God's purpose and plan. At first I told everyone I knew, only to slam open the God-talk, that pious attitude I didn't think I possessed. Later, I kept them to myself. Looking back on the ones I've made, broken and remade, they sound almost trivial.
My first was a purging of the music I listened to. All the hip-hop, sex rap and street shooting prophets were deleted. That was easy enough. If I was a Christian, why would I want to listen to rap music that glorifies possessions, promiscuity and thyself? The next year I gave up horror movies after 2 movies in particular churned my stomach at their violence. If I was a Christian, why would I want to see simulated death onscreen that was something akin to porn? One year I gave up adult films, failed, and retried. Currently, I've been on a 4 month non-adult film marathon. This time, the commitment seems authentic and I have the Holy Spirit to thank.
This year, the resolution is r-rated comedies. The last few I've seen were funny in stints, but overall they were films I felt offended everything I was supposed to be standing against. Drug use, promiscuity, nudity, using the Lord's name in vain, mocking Jesus--all were present and persistent.
There have been other commitments Several years back, there was a push to add something to your life instead of giving something away (ironically, this was probably began by a company in order to sell more product). Some are more personal, like the Courageous challenge I've been reading up on. My mother purchased the resolution months ago and it went unsigned not because I didn't feel like I was ever going to be man enough, but because I wanted to take it seriously. Telling God what you're going to do is much different than telling a friend. No one goes to work hoping to sabotage their day, fight with a co-worker or fail their bosses. No one begins their day thinking when they'll have a fight with their spouse or yell at their kids. Again, the Holy Spirit resides in everyone that pulls, nags and pesters you to the everlasting truth. Even in our best, we can still mess that up too.
I wont look back on the negatives. I'm thankful for the events and new people God has connected me to. My eldest went to college and my youngest learned to bathe herself. I work in the greatest profession alive. Loved ones died and loved ones still suffer. But one thing remains. Our attitude towards these events eventually shapes the perceptions of people around us. These perceptions and biases become mirrors of sorts. We see the image of what others see, with all the faults and flaws, the failures and guilt. That image can define us, if we let the fear hang on. So, dear reader, take a chance and look upon yourself not with the eyes of the world but with God's. While we can't move mountains or create the heavens, we can envision our lives lived to its potential. God's mirror has nothing on Snow White. Just ask.
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