One of the many gifts of writing a blog is the chance to share my growth in my walk with Jesus. What a great trip it's been since I said yes about six years ago. I stray with posts about teaching and sometimes even politics, but the very fact remains is the journaling, the account of one's man's thoughts as I drift from obedience to sin and back again.
Part of this overall growth has been the time I get to take for study. Each class I get to take is like I'm back in school, digesting new information and sharing the knowledge and my questions and doubts with other believers. If a man calls himself a Christian but does not open his Bible, how good is his word? Now the method of that reading is always up for debate. I have those who feel their devotions are their form of study. Some find their reading through classes and book studies, like myself, while others read on their own, sometimes Bible reading plans and sometimes not. Regardless, one of the many testimonies I can give another man is the impact study has brought forth in my own life.
This past month I've been reading a book called, "Limitless Life" by Derwin Gray. Among the men's study, my own personal readings and observations, I can say that I'm glad I purchased the book a year ago at a youth ministry convention after hearing Derwin Gray speak. I remember describing the book to a friend after reading the first few chapters. "It's nothing new," I had said, "more for baby Christians, but I do like the writing."
Baby Christians. One thing about the Methodist church is how we PowerPoint and itemize our spiritual gifts, our servanthood and our Christian growth. I think it helps our informational society find their niche, it helps the achievers graph their progress like some spiritual spreadsheet. Now, I fall into this trap too. I wanted the labels because anything sounded better than "Sinner". I wanted to belong to something greater than myself.
So I was quite pleased with myself on being a "Baby Christian." 1 Corinthians 3:1-5 even talks about spiritual infants who need milk before they can take on solid food. I've always eaten myself through an endless amount of literal and figurative buffets. It was time I went on a sin fast (kind of like Slim Fast, right? One scripture a day you lose the weight of sin!). I dove into Genesis studies, a Bible in one year plan, multiple studies and any kind of service I could get my hands on. I wanted the entire Christian package simply because I didn't quite understand what being a Christian was all about.
Later, when I was given the task of facilitating a men's class, we labeled the synopsis as a study for Spiritual Adolescents. It was for those ready for the next step. I too found it a seamless transition into the next phase of my life. I had been on a few mission teams, had served in the youth program and had my share of mountaintop experiences. It felt like a natural progression that could be quantified and measured. Pin a badge on me, I was growing in Christ.
Then the bottom fell out. The course our men's group just finished, "Fight" by Kenny Luck came with a gut punch. Amid the conversations of spiritual warfare and the tactics the devil uses to undermine our faith walk, I was struggling in secret. Temptations were gaining significant footholds. The intimacy I craved with my wife was playing second fiddle to my work, worries and selfishness. Work was a struggle and even the times I served, it felt hollow. I felt myself unequipped and inadequate. Welcome back, sin, I hardly knew you were gone.
Around this time I came across this article, "The Damaging Myth of Relationship not Religion." When I first read it I wanted to write a rebuttal. Of course it's all about a relationship with God, right? Who needs religion and all its rules? Isn't that why leaving the Catholic church felt so right? No more rote prayers, no more kneeling, no more checking my calendar to see if I've confessed enough to warrant communion bread. But amid my rough draft rebuttal, something changed. I looked upon my own Spiritual Spreadsheet and realized I had traded in the rules of Catholicism for the labels of a Methodist, the Great American Christian.
You see, I always understood the message that God had been pursuing me all my life. I was the one running. We are all called to be "royal priests" with Jesus being the head priest. I didn't need anyone to intervene on my behalf, not a miniature statue of the Virgin Mary or a rosary for my prayers to be answered. Everyday I have a chance to say "yes" to my savior and obey, submit and follow his ways. But with that relationship, religion must come in too. Not the rules and dogmatic decrees, but the truth that when we say "yes" to Christ we are inviting the covenantal process to follow. Amid all the excuses of why men don't go to church and all the reasons why we hate church and the hypocrites that line their pews, the real religion, the covenant between God and us, calls us towards a deeper relationship. I have found that deeper relationship amid the walls of my church. There is where we network, where we can serve, where we find other like-minded people who are struggling just the same. I'm thankful for the relationship AND the religion.
Now if I could just shake off this Pharisee feeling.
So back to "Limitless Life." While you can do your own research on Derwin Gray, the short is that he's an ex NFL player who is head pastor for Transformation Church. He's about as engaging as they come, and the Lord has blessed him with a heart for multi-cultural ministries. For the first few chapters, I felt as I had read similar material from Max Lucado or Bill Hybels. But about halfway through I ran into some significant soul searching on my purpose (you purpose-driven life bashers can see me behind the bleachers if you want to fight it out later, I'm ready to defend myself), my calling and to be a contributor instead of a consumer.
In the chapter titled, "From Worker to Worshipper," Derwin asks the reader to answer a few questions. Take a minute and let these sink in. Can you fill them out? Like me, do you find yourself redrafting and erasing, looking for the right words?
Q1: How do you want to be seen in ten years?
Q2: What do you want to be known for in ten years?
Q3: What do you want your family to be like?
Q4: What makes your heart sing?
Q5: Who in your life will tell you the truth about yourself?
Dear reader, I hope these blogs are not only a way into my heart, but as a way to walk this walk with someone with the blemishes of our pasts. But I do believe that when we shine a light on our sin, to be reflective on our own hard-heartedness, God responds. God will move into our hearts if we let Him. He wants permanent residency.
My relationship allows me to open the door to that request. My religion keeps me from kicking Him out when I don't like what he's done with the décor. These conversations with you are my ways of understanding it all.
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