The God of Promotions

It's good to be home.

A conversation began a few months back as to the changes one goes through in life. One of my constants had always been journaling. I always have a small notebook with me at church. It has kept my scattered brain from focusing on the tasks that need to get done later in the day and my eyes off attractive woman. Those notes are like ones I'd make in a classroom. Sometimes I'd jot notes in my Bible depending on my devotion of the day, but that too, like my journaling habit, eroded into excuses and no-time-for-that's. I haven't blogged in several months. Why? I blamed lots of things, from not working with a keyboard (I have upgraded to an iPad Air), to the favorite of all Christian excuses, "I'm just in a down season." Christians like to talk about seasons and hedge of protections and travel mercies but we really have no clue what any of them really mean, or that none of them have any Biblical basis. So, dear reader, it wasn't a down season for me, just a life that hasn't been living to its full potential.

I was glad 2015 ended. I ended the school year on fumes, much more than I had ever felt any time previous. My rough week turned into a rough month and into a rough year. I chalked it up to having a "bad class" but that just sounded like something teachers' always said when they failed and were trying to cover up the stench of a career. On a side note, many of my students are struggling this year in the core subjects of math and reading and many of them had a teacher the previous year who was earning a paycheck and counting the days until her pension. I began to see that a year lost from their education, a year removed from good practices and a lack of motivation, had a detrimental effect on those that could least afford it.

But there were parallels in my story and theirs. In order to garner any kind of results from them, I too had to be motivated to grind. Just when I felt I had a grasp on this, in comes life like a thief in the night. Curriculum shifts brought in new reading and math programs. Now I was jumping through hoops to find some consistency in what I was teaching. And the lingering disease that was my 2015 year had not fully dissipated. There were still clouds in the horizon and I wasn't disciplined enough to see through them.

But where was my motivation?

Answering this question has further reaching ramifications than my classroom. I was forced to examine all my habits. I'm on the upswing of another weight gain. I lost probably 40 pounds since the beginning of the school year, then gained about 15 back. There's a constant fight between food, gym time and staying active. This is nothing new. I know that God wants the best for my health. He's keeping me alive this long! I know that the failures I've faced have more to do with Satan's schemes than God's dream. But the reality is, I have only so long before the other domino begins to fall.

Like my job for instance.

A few weeks back I was told I would be moving down from 5th grade to 2nd. I took the news as a demotion. Last year It seemed as if all my weaknesses and bad habits formed a perfect storm. I wasn't as confident going into this year, and there have been some humbling moments along the way. Although I can't ever say I have reached the pinnacle of teaching success, I at least felt competent. This was the first year I questioned myself, and when doubt creeps into your mind, it rarely ever leaves.

Any teacher knows what we're up against. This is the realm of computerized testing and value added evaluations. Metrics so complicated there's no solid way of knowing just how effective you are. America has become a test driven nation. We're bound by the scores given by the states that are funded by the federal government. How much time do I have to prepare for an online test? One hour per week, but the website for practice tests has a solid six questions. Six. An insufficient amount for a test that is typically in the 45-50 question amount. You would think what we do in class would translate but that's easy for you to say when you have a click happy kid whose reading at a 3rd grade level.

Let me dial back the excuses. I'm not the most organized teacher. What I have in excitement and engagement I lose in structure. This year I failed to hear the phone ringing from the office. Why? We were doing a science lab where my students were working on sound. They were tapping and banging glass bottles half filled with water to make different pitches. Some were listening to their partners speak to them through a can-and-string telephones. No one was just bonkers wild and loud, but it gave the impression I had no control of my room.

My test scores? They suck. On average my students were almost 30 points behind the benchmark in math and reading. Their middle of the year scores were atrocious. I could chalk two scores up to learning disabilities, one finally diagnosed and one in the process. While the kids who can read did fairly well and I did have some decent achievements, the ones who are behind seemed to fall even more so. This is nothing new. I've spent recess times working on intervention methods with the students and even after trying new strategies, their post test scores are maybe gaining 20-30%. I can't seem to get the results of my counterpart.

Perhaps I need to stick to one reading series. For example, our school is piloting new basal readers. I tossed out the old and I'm using the new materials, exploring their resources and taking chances. I could have stuck to the script, given the same old stories and the same old tests.  Math is changing too. I've been trained on the new math program the district is implementing. All last year I used NY Engage, a Common Core based approach to teaching math. So it's all new again. I could have stayed with the old, but I'm not becoming the teacher who goes to training sessions and refuses to try new strategies. I'm playing the game but I'm losing the late innings.

Still, the blessings continue to pour in. My colleagues are excited about my new assignment. I'm making classroom visits and getting to know my curriculum. I'm beginning to see that I won't have to deal with drama and aloofness. Stubborn kids will always be there, and I'm not sure what to do when they start crying. Perhaps it will be the move that jump starts a rejuvenation in me. It's the kind of jolt an active God does with complacent hearted men.

This weekend I get to serve on another Emmaus team. I get to turn off the noise of my failures and look upward for guidance and deliverance. Again, I'm awed at His timing and thankful for the grace I don't deserve. It couldn't come at a better time. What better way to know that what you're doing matters when the God of your life turns demotions into promotions. I'm ready to accept.