Education--Taking a fantastic vocabulary class on Tuesday nights. Working on changing the way we study and teach this particular subject, as in, no more rote definition lists, taking vocab multiple choice tests, etc. Through the conversation we are having in class with a range of teachers from special education, middle school, high school, a second-year teacher and a retiree, there is always these phrases that somehow creep into our lexicon--
"What about those kids that are unwilling to learn?"
"Some kids don't want to learn."
"Some kids just don't get it."
I wrote in my notebook the word, "fear." Teachers fear the unknown. They fear failing in front of the kids. They fear failing in front of their peers and bosses. They fear the success of their kids. I believe some of them hope for that light bulb to brighten on top of their kids' heads, and then what? What if I go to school and all the kids "get it?" Am I needed anymore? What if everyone was on grade-level, then maybe I wouldn't have to give out these remedial worksheets I've had since 1987.
We fear lots of things. I fear being exhausted and not caring, simply waking up and not loving my job. I fear running out of dry erase markers, losing my door keys, kids revolting and throwing pencils at me. Do I fail in front of the kids? Damn right, but it's those moments that we don't know the answers should bring out the best in us.
I have a friend who could lose her job this week. That's what I fear, not having that control over my job. Sure, I could lose my patience, say something stupid, any of us are at the mercy of kids and complaints. I don't fear accusations as much as I am aware of them. I fear a system that would remove a good friend and judge it right for the "betterment of kids." What's better served in the end?
But class awakened that commitment, that renewed sense of belonging to something larger than myself. God doesn't need me in the schools, he can work his wonders on his own, but He is using me for something. The kids will learn with or without me, but in going forward I have to know that the kids have just as much fear as we do. Do teachers actually think they awaken themselves and WANT to fail? No kid wants to fail. No kid wants to not get an award. It's the same for parents. No one wants to go to an assembly and not see their child on the stage, cheesing for the cameras, shaking hands with the principal. I haven't met those parents yet, or that kid. They are overwhelmed, sometimes ignorant, always fearful, and sometimes unarmed to their bombardment lifestyles. Fear
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