Entitled for a Miracle

Failure is an event, not a person--Craig Groeschler, Fight DVD

Is it only me who feels that when your kids act up in public there’s that feeling as if all eyes are upon you, massive judgment boggly eyes.  I’ve been battling a front on both ends, my own kids and my fifth grade students.  I sometimes tell them that your my kid during the day.

Your momma entrusts me with you, therefore I will do all I can to make sure you are learning even when you don’t want to--Me

And so when my son or my other sons act up, I take it personal. Everyone who knows me knows my kid can be hard to handle.  He picked up the wonderful art of obsessive compulsiveness from his grandfather (okay me too), his old-man curmudgeon nature from me (maybe my dad too) and his attention deficiency from his environment because all active boys of today are walking medicine vessels.  Just when we think we have our bases covered, he has small incidences at school.  Squash that, he acts up at church, calls a volunteer an "old lady" and sulks in choir.  Win that battle, he screams at home and still doesn't get dressed on time.

So this past week we began a different incentive plan.  We have clothes pins on the "do" side of a board, mainly chores, and when they are accomplished they get moved to the "done" side.  My son's prized possessions--his ipod, his x-box controllers--are safely tucked away in a box.  You want your stuff back, better flip those pins.  Incidentally, his sister is no angel.  Her chores are very similar, but since she's not an electronic kind of girl, we have her fancy shoes in the box.  No chores, you get the ugly old shoes.

So my son is working on getting dressed independently, getting his bookbag in order at night, feeding the dog, hanging his t-shirts.  So far it's been met with applause.  He loves the listness of life, that schedule that tells him when to wake up and when to perform.  But like a true compulsive kid, he doesn't have much wriggle room when he's told he did not earn his materials back, or he loses his cool when he has that one setback.  One day he won't be stomping up the stairs and yelling, but until then it's like little bee stings on an already itchy rash.

Flip to my students.  This year we've done a fair share of team building exercises, modeled how to handle stress, drawn diagrams of perseverance.  Then reality sets in.  Their off topic conversations, at least with the boys this year, eventually goes into put-down territory.  First its fun teasing the kid who misspelled a word, said something perceived as dumb, gets in trouble in front of the class.  But when one of them defends himself with insults, no one can handle the rebuke. 

He's talking about my momma.  He talked about my grandma and she's dead--5th grade student

In the span of two weeks, there have been 3 fights.  Most of them have originated from trash talking, petty arguments over someone saying something about you, or defending one's self from being shown up.  There hasn't been much "learning" of lessons or behavior modification.  In some sense, it's getting worse.  One kid behaves on Monday, the best friend freaks out on Tuesday.  It's a shame for the boys who work so hard and the girls who do as well, although I do have a set of girls who just kinda stare at me like I'm an abomination.  They're teenagers in waiting.

 

I know that I'm fighting the culture.  My own son complains about what his friends supposedly have (I'm sure I gave my mom grief over similar material things), and what they can supposedly do.  I remember writing a list for my mom of all the things that were unfair in my life, and she promptly line-itemed me into realizing I had some growing up to do.  My students laugh when others get into a fight, or when someone is teased, they talk back and mumble curse words.  Each transgression is like a thorn in my lesson plans of life.  Is this reflection of my lack of control?  Is every office referral a sign of my failure?

 

But that's my sinful nature, that "old self" chiming in with its doubtful words.  If the failure isn't on me, then who is to blame?  Why blame anyone?  I come home exhausted and unmotivated.  I show up at work sighing and flinching when the phone rings or the bell signals their return to the room. 

 

You're only as strong as you are honest--Craig Groeschler, Fight DVD

 

Tonight I shared with my men's study group that failure is by far my biggest fear.  But in essence, who am I failing?  I'm trying so hard to compete with the bumper stickers of other parents that I'm not seeing past the traffic.  I see Facebook posts about how parents made their kids special testing day breakfastes when all I did was roll down the passenger window of the van to yell one word of encouragement (dear reader, I do care, but testing is a raw subject with me, and I've been blessed with a smart kid.  I know this isn't always the case with all parents).  Kids come to church happy and smiling, mine comes in grumpy. 

 

My heart knows this isn't the focus of parenting.  But I've neglected God's plan for my own.  I'm not trusting.  This week I saw "Heaven Is for Real" and there were two sequences that really hit home.  One was a scene of the pastor father questioning God, pleading with the higher power to not take his son.  But the argument was one of legalism, not out of love.  I felt myself on my knees in the same movie.

 

I'm going to church on Sunday.  I'm leading men, I'm in a Bible study.  I wear Christian shirts.  Why is my kid still acting up?  Why do my students do what they do?  Can't you do me a solid?

 

If Christianity were easy, if there were a manual, we'd all be robots.  Free will gives us that choice.  Kids have that free will too.  Consequences are learned, growth ensues.  We're not robots.  If we were, how much fun would life be in between oil change ups?

 

I'm envious.  There was another scene in the movie where Todd Burpo (played by Greg Kinnear) is counselling a mother who lost her son in the war.  She grieves.  Here it is:

 

The scene rang true for me.  Does God love THAT family more than mine?  Why is your kid free from ADHD but this one is?  But God doesn't love you and I differently.  We think He does.  Some people live, some die and we think there is some "not fair" card we can play when it's convenient.  It's difficult to wear out your knees praying when you feel entitled for a miracle.  That's faith.  Wearing out your knees even when you feel you can't any longer.  We forget that someone in our life will respond and cushion you.  Take the place of your weariness.  Walk alongside you. 

 

These are minor bumps.  I know there is a target on my back with each blog, each step in faith, each call for discipleship.  Why do the righteous always seem to stumble, was a questions asked tonight in study. 

 

Because there is movement involved--Matt Stephens, friend

Each of us can be a climber, a camper or a quitter.  Quitters moan and complain, woe is me, singing the song of lament.  Campers stay below where it's safe.  Comfort Zone USA.  The climbers navigate through these two groups towards the top.  When movement is involved, sometimes there will be stumbles, but the quest is never complete.  Keep climbing, keep reaching, keep wearing out the knees.